3 am Thoughts


It’s just after 3 am and I was jolted awake by a thought. Well, jolted awake because I’m battling a cold and the meds have worn off. So, while I wait for them to kick back in, here’s what went through my head as I awoke nursing a very raw throat:

All this past evening I watched as an attitude of “mine!” pervaded social media, punctuated by a nasty tendency to speak in hyperbole, show little remorse or loyalty, think only of oneself, pass questionable judgment on immediate surroundings (because your ability to judge anything is questionable), use the occasion of society collapsing as a way to play victim, demand protection, and stomp around crying “justice” with a false sense of caring about anything or anyone besides the immediate needs of the individual (fine, but don’t lie about it), and generally just exploit the chaos to get attention. All eyes on me, and all that. And good people got in the way, tried to help, and will suffer for it.

Also, some kids burned down Baltimore.

And it occurred to me: that is the difference between the classes. Opportunity doesn’t make you a better person. Just gives you a more refined way of being a bullying thug who uses people to elevate one’s sense of importance and throw tantrums a little less dramatically (but only a little. Because, God, the hyperbole is painful. “Overwhelmingly blessed!” Gimme a break. Does anyone buy that nonsense? How many times can someone use the word “wonderful” or “perfect” without it losing some (read: all) of its meaning?). What an inspiration to young people. On a related note, sheep are dumb.

In short — I don’t see a ton of difference in the goals and aspirations of the kids running around the streets and the bourgeoisie (that’s an historical term, darlin’) filming them from the ivory tower. Different methods, same cavalier and — ahem — disgusting behavior.

There’s your class war. Everyone needs to watch Trading Places again.




Let’s talk about karma for a second, shall we? I question all the great mysteries of life on a regular basis — and now, because I’m a little more involved with people that don’t see much mystery but are rather highly pragmatic — I’m questioning a lot of things again. I don’t believe I’ll ever give up a faith in the idea that life moves — is guided? — by mysterious and rational forces, but it’s interesting hearing people who don’t agree with that idea still pay great homage to things like ethics and benevolence. And that’s where I’d like to start with karma.

It seems to me that people that just bulldoze through life because they believe they are ENTITLED to, or because they DESERVE to, or because they have always been treated a certain way and, by God, they mean to always be treated like the precious flower or rare coin they’ve always been led to believe they are, don’t care much for the idea that you will reap what you sow. You plant those bitter little seeds, you’ll get some pretty sour fruit. Use whatever negative descriptor you like there. It works in the positive, too. Which is fantastic, although sometimes it feels like it takes so much longer to see the positive yield from being kind. But the nasty stuff? That’s pretty instant. John Lennon wrote a song about it.

Anyway, consider yourself lucky when it happens, because then you have the opportunity to start again (I do know from experience) and do better. And maybe listen this time. Stop thinking that just because someone joins you in whatever grumpy ass approach to life you need to feel comfortable it means they care. The best people will expect you to be be the best version of yourself. That’s hard, yes, because it means there’s an expectation. And sure, there are plenty of people that will just take that laptop to find a job, as it were. And that’s okay, if that path of least resistance floats your particular device. But know that all that stuff’s conditional in a way that’s less about wanting what’s best for hearts and minds of everybody involved, and more about control, and things, and image, and stuff. And you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re sleeping with the enemy who’s going to blast all your personal stuff all over social media and try to make you look like you’re an absolute monster. My point is: don’t put too much faith in the wrong stuff. Character matters.

Also, as an aside, what do you call it when someone enjoys being spoken to harshly and disrespectfully to the point that if someone is actually nice to them it freaks them out?

So that’s all I’ve got for the time being. I have a lot of things happening at the moment. I’m supposed to be in Southern California for the first time ever for several days next week. I’ll believe it when it actually happens. Because the flight man…I don’t want to talk about it.

I’ll write about the Iran deal, and religious freedom versus discrimination, and what I think China might be up to at a later date. Right now I just want to process all that stuff, and you can probably guess how I feel about most of it. So I’ll save it for later as things continue to develop. But I will say one thing: I fully expect Hillary’s email scandal to intersect with this kind of thing. Don’t underestimate her. She knows how to spin very, very well.

Also, I hope this is true.

Okay I’m out. I leave you with more from the former Beatle. I have a love hate relationship with John Lennon. He was a massive ass to the people in his life, and it’s hard for me to support that in general. But this song…

One other thing, because it’s been on my mind: hey Twerp, you’re still a ridiculous, pitiful egotist who actually doesn’t think much of himself and my mom and I laughed about that stupid email you sent last night on the phone for a while. Sad man. Really sad. Enjoy that karma.

Little Monsters


Not too terribly long ago, someone asked me what I was afraid of. He was asking from a context of war — something I know about only academically, never having seen one, but have an interest in because, well, I think it matters — and the question, coupled with recent suggestions that I need to allow myself to “be more vulnerable” just got me to thinking: what am I afraid of? Because apparently this is holding me back in relationships and may be a fundamental problem for me, if recent events are to be believed. So, in the interest of trying to work that out, and with the understanding that I won’t be talking about the larger issues, like war and pandemics because everyone’s afraid of those things, here goes:

I’m afraid of liars. Because you don’t know what they think, what they believe, or what they’re capable of. And that makes them prone to be irrational actors who can, at any moment, throw a monkey wrench in any well-laid plan.

I’m afraid of cruelty. I don’t understand it. I separate it from what appears to be cruelty but is actually self-defense. Cruelty to me is unprovoked and happens because the person inflicting it simply enjoys it. It causes a lot of damage and is generally non-productive besides providing amusement to the sadist.

Even more than cruelty, however, I’m afraid of those who stand around and watch cruelty and do nothing. I hate the look in their eyes, rather helpless and ashamed, because while they don’t condone what’s happening, they prefer not to call it out as ugly and unnecessary. Those people are somehow both pitiable and infuriating. And they cause so much conflict within me personally that my heart just breaks to see them.

I’m afraid of people who feel so out of control that they attempt to control others by manipulating feelings or withholding affection (or even more basic needs) so that one becomes nearly dependent on them. They are dangerous people because they misunderstand a basic truth: there is no such thing as control. The best you can do is treat people well and hope they stick around. Anything else, even if it lasts, becomes a dark game of co-dependency. And people are broken by that kind of thing, either by becoming hard and controlling themselves, or by becoming controlled to the point of inertia.

I’m afraid of watching people I care about be hurt or put down because of something I may have done, or some influence I brought to their door. I’m afraid I can’t protect them when someone tries to hurt them. Worse, if that person is someone I let in the door.

That’s the short list. And here’s the secret: I’m not really afraid of any of those things. I’ve been negotiating all of that stuff my whole life, just like everyone else has. But I say it because if you need a reason why I don’t want to let you in or give you much time, you can call it my fear or my inability to be vulnerable if that’s what makes sense to you. The truth is, I’m vulnerable all the time. I let people wreck me, I give them the opportunity to do that, or not. And when — if — they do, I make a judgment and maybe close a door. That’s not fear of being vulnerable. That’s giving a chance, getting a result, and then acting accordingly. Basically, I can’t continue to think there’s something broken about me (fear of being vulnerable) because I opened up the emotional door and you didn’t do good things with trust.

In short, I’m not afraid. I just know how much I can let you in.

Okay, I have a thing later that I’m fighting not falling asleep to attend, so I need to get this wrapped up and get ready. Y’all have a good weekend, okay?

The 47 traitors letter is fascinating. I tend to agree with Steve Hayes — it has already been effective. Although, the argument that Obama will take it to the UN and have it ratified, thereby leading to a dropping of sanctions against Iran by European nations, thereby making the letter ineffective, is well taken. But I think it signals something greater to Iran and the world: the US Congress is not in the tank. You can misinterpret that for some political reason like they just don’t like Obama, but I think most understand that it’s more about national security. And I believe the world is listening. Because, look, this is true.

This is also true. We are a cynical nation, as we would be given the divisiveness of the last 7 years, but there’s hope out there. People are watching us. And there’s a reason that the bastions of liberal news are suffering under the weight of promoting failed policies and cynicism. So, good for Cotton and the 47 “Traitors” for still believing.

You guys know narcissism fascinates me, so this study was of course an interesting read. I’m not saying you shouldn’t encourage your kids and praise them for their accomplishments, but I think treating children like they are “better than” — indeed, requiring they think that about themselves — is generally creating some pretty nasty adults. It’s true that narcissists can become very successful. But they will also always be that asshole boss that breaks people’s spirits and makes creepy decisions that benefit themselves over the health of their business or relationships. Ebenezer Scrooge is an archetype for a reason. Why not raise people who have a healthy sense of accomplishment and encourage others in their own? Seems like even a stupid question to ask, frankly. But all this talk of self-love (which I think is what leads up to really crappy writing like 50 Shades of Grey) makes me want to read this.

For the trolls.

Sorry Netflix. You helped foist this crap law on us and you will suffer more than the rest of us. Your bottom line is going to hurt. I have little sympathy for you.

They’ve needed to get it together for a while.

Hillary and her emails. Seriously, I get why people are tripping. But it’s not surprising and she will get through it and run. Will it haunt her? Maybe. But here’s the thing: The Twerp taught me one very important thing about life and people — some people like weasels. They respect them. They want them at the top. That is Hillary’s base.

Americans trying Southern food for the first time goes pretty much as expected.

I made this. Pretty good, but probably needs a little more oil in the recipe. A little dry. Tasty, though.

A post for Pops

My father doesn’t trust me it seems. I think it stems from a desire to be protective, but when I tell him, “I think I need to write about this stuff,” he gets nervous I’ll go too far or that I’m focusing on things that don’t require my attention because they’re not worthy things to ruminate on. It’s rather sweet, really. My Pops wants to protect me from myself. Always has.

And that’s why guys, even when you’re kinda rotten, I don’t have bad feelings for you. I’ve had the great, rare privilege of being raised by a complicated, brilliant guy who puts those he loves before himself and is still just a dude, in the best sense of the word. So I know what you’re capable of. And he defends you guys, when I cry and complain about how you’re being weird or not making any sense to me. He tells me that anything is possible — even when it looks like there’s been too much misunderstanding to repair. He says that time and a closed door do a lot of work on their own and that optimism is key. And I believe him over the other voices of well-meaning friends who say, “That person will never be nice to you again. And even if they try, after being that mean to you, why would you want them to be?”

I don’t have a good answer for that except I try to fix things if I can. And I don’t think life is best lived with an outlook of hopelessness or a feeling that the next time I see someone there’s no chance for a meeting of the minds, or even just a decision to cordially high-five and never cross paths again. Seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy and that feels like a silly thing to program. So Pops reaffirms that for me and reminds me that no one can control circumstance and you must deal with circumstances as they come.

I said all that to say this though: despite my Pops saying it’s unwise to write about these things in short form (Twitter) or long, I have to do it. I have to. I do my level best to be as cryptic as I can (something the Twerp found annoying, presumably because he knew I was writing about him in many cases and I think he wanted the attention, negative though it was. And that, my friends, is just weird as all hell and a completely crazy concept to me. Who wants attention for being a complete doofus in the eyes of someone? My God, man, do you need eyes on you that bad?…). But when I discover that someone who, for example, I rather admired (possibly still do for what I think actually lives inside him) but who wasn’t all that cool to me for whatever reason has said some pretty inflammatory things unfairly (albeit some time ago but I’m just hearing about them), I mean…damn…I don’t know what to do with that. There was some snotty little remark about “associations” that just resonated with snobbish mean-girlness that I’ve not really experienced to that degree since high school. I’m pretty sure I know where it came from but yikes, man…Trust me, there are people out there who are actually accomplishing pretty impressive stuff against great odds (which is to say they weren’t just handed a ready-made opportunity) who could easily look down a nose in contempt. But they don’t. Because they know, in the world where you have to get along with no one to catch your fall, it’s exceedingly unbecoming and tragically stupid to behave that way. But I digress…

Anyway, I’ve spent a great bulk of my life not standing up for myself. I was trained not to, to be the peacekeeper, not make things worse, be the bigger person, take people’s nastiness and rise above it. And I’m so sorry Pops if this is disappointing to you — I truly am — but I have to stop absorbing that stuff and letting it chew me up from the inside out. I have to have my quips and comments and thoughts because they help me not feel like a victim of the selfishness and bullying. Particularly in a case, for example, where my finer tendency — that one that tries to fix things — is used against me. Where my need to make things cool and friendly is allowed to continue until it’s a nice little weapon. In short, when I get played a little. Not sure why that was necessary exactly, but I think certain people are always looking for weapons. And they’ll make them if they have to. And that’s okay. I’m empathizing if not sympathizing. I just don’t want it to be the last word. I may not be able to control that, but I can control not just taking the hit without laughing about it and using that great intellect you’ve always said was my best asset. And I can control turning a nasty attempt to tell me what an absolute piece of sh*t I am in an email from someone I don’t know, and for no reason other than a desire to throw some weight around (which is to say, I had committed no crime against this person) into a hilarious joke (which I feel kind of bad about except it probably matched the nastiness of the email). All so I don’t get beaten down by the ugliness. Because if I’m beaten, I’m unable to move forward. And moving forward is the goal.

Which brings me to the other guy I’m not angry at but don’t quite know how to deal with. A very good man I care about a great deal. He’s a friend and I love him. And the best and greatest thing about him is that he would never use my finer instincts against me. If anything, he takes issue with the not-so-finer ones, the pettiness and gossip-girl stuff that’s pretty useless on the grand scale. He has always communicated with me, even when what he had to say was hard. And I listen to him and respect him for that. And he warns me about letting people craft weapons and has been legitimately proud of me for standing up for myself when he knows how difficult that is for me to do.

And yet…

I seem to have disappointed him as well. I can’t go into the specifics (which are actually hilarious and mom knows so ask her but be prepared to be slightly shocked) but suffice to say I didn’t understand the protocol of the place we were at and he called me out on it. And I got embarrassed and excused myself and went home. And now I don’t now if I should apologize or be indignant (and I have good reason to be the latter). And so the boys are confusing me again. And I don’t have that thing I see in so many of the young ladies these days, that ability to be snarky and ignore, and then take up the mantle when it suits me again. Or to be as cruel as possible and publicly embarrass the person you profess to care deeply for. I don’t have it because I don’t want it. It’s a silly game and a power trip and every — EVERY. Every single one.– relationship I’ve seen that employs it fails after a time. Because it sucks. It’s no way to relate to people.

And so my Pops, I wrote all of this — leaving off politics, about which I have many, many thoughts that I might actually address in this space tomorrow if I have time — so you wouldn’t be disappointed in me. So you wouldn’t think the chunky toddler you trained to be thoughtful and kind had become hateful and sarcastic as a general rule. I’m just negotiating harder people who think nothing of throwing their “loves” under the bus, and negotiating nicer people than I who expect me to be better than maybe I am.

But I’m still your chunky toddler and don’t worry about me. You gave me the right tools. I’m just figuring out how to use them.

All the things

Just made me happy today so thought I'd share. Newman, car, Venice. Literally nothing bad about this.

Just made me happy today so thought I’d share. Newman, car, Venice. Literally nothing bad about this.

I know it’s been a little bit of a stretch since I’ve updated this space, and that makes me feel slightly guilty for opening with this silliness, but here goes:

Guys, I’m sorry for not being all jealous and weird when you acted like a jerk and tried to make me jealous over some other girl. I’m too old for all that nonsense. Let me say that again and embrace the hell out of it so there’s no mistake: I’m too OLD for that. You heard me sweetheart. Here’s the secret though: I’ve always been too old for it. Also, whatever it is that you find hot about it makes me question your judgment and your need for an ego boost. Why do you need that so badly? Do you think stirring up hurt feelings takes some kind of focus off yourself or something? Look, I don’t really care that much but I do feel a little bad about not being more accommodating in helping you make that other girl crazy. But you may want to consider if you’re having to do that because you don’t trust that her interest in you is strong enough, justifiably or not. So, ya know, just trying to help you out because I do feel a little bad about not being there for you to use to hit at the insecurities of some other woman. Honestly though, that kind of thing makes me feel stupid and boring so I avoid it if I can…Okay, moving forward so I don’t start to feel like I’ve lost several IQ points:

My English friend Matt is lovely. I got an email from him this weekend asking if I had found anyone to bear the costs of a trip to England so I could cover their upcoming election which, according to him, is going to be a big one what with the whole Independent Party stepping up. It’s not a horrible idea, and how marvelous that he suggested it. There’s a great deal going on over there, of course. And Matt tells me that France feels like their Republic is under attack — which is precisely why we should have shown solidarity with them because those things matter — but we have plans to talk at greater length later this week. I miss my friend, even though I’ve written England off for at least the next year, favoring a short trip to Charleston instead because that’s about what my finances allow, short trips once a year. But I haven’t written England off entirely. Not by a long shot. It’s just something I’m going to have to further negotiate. It’s okay. I’m not down about it. Working toward something, even struggling and gasping for air toward it, doesn’t dampen my spirits (well, not irretrievably). There are other things that do, though. And I feel compelled to talk about those for a minute because I let some of them get to me recently and I’m barely forgiving myself.

I’m kinda disappointed in men at the moment. I mean, not to sound like some feminist harpy (God forbid) but what has happened to you guys? Since when did you get so…afraid? That’s the right word. I struggled with that one for a second but damn if it isn’t exactly right. I’m going to tell a little story and try to be diplomatic — I really do try — but it’s just one story in a litany of many lately where I don’t recognize the male of the species and I’m trying to figure out if I’ve just never really known them or if something has indeed changed.

A female friend of mine and I went to a little New Year’s celebration and apparently my friend was something of a threat to a lady in attendance. Never mind that the majority of the group, mostly men, are legitimate friends of my friend, and never mind that the threat was an imagined one that lay mostly in the mind of the lady who was protecting the relationship she felt was threatened by the mere appearance of my friend; this young lady, who I’ve known in the past to be rather nice, was anything but on this evening. And I’ll be damned if those boys said nothing. I defended my friend, which is fine. I don’t have a problem letting someone know they’re being ridiculous, and I’m pretty good at it, too. Whatever I said stopped the squawk so the evening could continue on positively (although we caught shade the rest of the night, we managed to have a great time). But the silence from the boys was goddamn deafening. And that’s just been a pattern lately. Look, I’m not trying to say I expect men to be super human or anything, but for the love of pete, where has the courage gone? The ability to simply speak your mind, address your consequences, handle your business? I mean I felt like one of those boys should have addressed that girl’s rudeness directly and openly (ahem, HER BOYFRIEND), if quietly and without all the crazy drama she was trying to stir up. That girl needed to feel secure, and actually showing a spine that attempts to protect her from going too far in the passion of the moment is just generally chivalrous and shows you care. We ladies like that sort of thing. Or didn’t you know? When you disappear behind a skirt, eyes wide like a deer in headlights, you leave us out in the open to do the work of the man. We can step up, but it requires acting like a man, being aggressive, etc. There are women who lick their chops at such things. I am not one of them. But I’ve had to do it quite a bit lately. And I’ll say this and be done: I don’t ever want to be the lady to a man who needs his woman to speak for him. And it’s not because I’m a traditionalist — well, not totally. It’s because I believe in personal responsibility and the strength of the individual. We should protect our significant others, yes. But often that means protecting them from themselves by holding them accountable for their own bad behavior and expecting more of them, not jumping in front of them and being a shield to their consequences. I don’t know, maybe none of that makes sense. But I’ve been wanting to say it for a while. My father cautions me that a great deal of what I see happening is a man trying to placate a woman. Which made me ask him: “What is it with you guys? Why do you sign up with women like these?” To which he answered: “Well you women, you don’t always reveal who you are or what you think until much later… .” I don’t even know what to say about that (but I’m sure my mom is somewhere smirking) so I’ll just distill it all down to a phrase that sounds really horrible but I mean it and it makes me sad: man up, guys. Please. Related.

Okay, some of these pieces are old because it’s been a while but maybe I have a fresh take? We can dream…

To begin, let’s just remember that things are better and better every day. We have been encouraged for several years now that we are more divided, more hateful, more unlikely to succeed, have less respect, less opportunity, etc. etc. etc. Don’t buy. And don’t ever quit. These things are self-fulfilling.

Going to have to agree with this. Although I’ll stipulate that I’m not sure it’s all about a declaration that the threat isn’t as dire as we originally thought. There’s some placating going on here as well. I’m just not sure to whom.

And I really hope it’s not these freakin’ guys. But perhaps our current administration believes this kind of thing and think they hold some kind of leverage. I do not have that kind of optimism regarding a nation that has never seemed all that rational to me. And on that note, irrational and chaotic and a lot less black and white than anyone is comfortable with. A lot less.

On a related note, I think all the worry and consternation is only appropriate so long as we have Mr. Market Interferer in office. Which, of course, we still do. So, okay fine, worry a little. But ultimately, if left to its own devices, the market will sort itself out and the panic of the Sheiks because of fracking in the US will cause a run and ultimately a vacuum that we should be more than happy to fill.

Right, there’s a lot more heavy stuff I want to get into but my eyes are starting to get very bleary so I’ll leave you with the fun stuff and we’ll tackle all that other stuff later. I wish I didn’t care sometimes. Except this, which I think I want to actually write a heavier piece about. I’m trying to work it out in my head…

Hmmm…I’m not sure if I agree with all this.

Cheese. That is all.

It’s hard to give it up. There truly is nothing like performing on stage. But you must give everything else up to do it. And that’s a requirement few have the stomach for.

Huh, weird.

I’m pleased to not have a hateful atheist (and I distinguish between the hateful and normal) screaming in my ear all the time about happy biological accidents. If I didn’t physically want to vomit at the thought, I might send this along to the one I know. But it’s really not worth it. Pearls before swine and all that.

Yes, yes. There are so many I still need to see from this past year.

Hear the bells

Welp I’m heading back South today. I always have a moment where I wonder if I’ll get back down there and just stay. Just never come back. I’ll send for my things and tell great stories of my time in the land of people who think connections = character and where the bull in the china shop approach to getting what you want is employed to an alarming degree. It’s hard up here for a Steel Magnolia.

Ah but of course, I love it, too. And I’m not done. Not nearly. I’m going for something and I’m about as stubborn as they come if I’ve decided to do something and succeed at it. Despite the careless, unkind and remarkably insecure bullies throwing up their little roadblocks here and there. And on that point…

I’ve been trying to figure out how to write about this because I’m annoyed and my objectivity is compromised when I’m annoyed. But I need to get it out, for almost exactly the same reasons. I know some folks don’t get why that’s necessary, the release of thoughts on the page so to speak. Frankly, I don’t know how everyone doesn’t require it. It’s how I stay sane. So here goes, with as much diplomacy as possible (and I’ve written this like four times because the cursing was out of control and I should probably temper that…).

Not that I care really, because people choose their paths and adults can make their decisions and learn from them without any interference from me…okay wait. That’s all bullshit. Because I do actually care. Maybe it’s just because I got pulled in (against my wishes) and I was just trying to be encouraging so I care for my own sake, or maybe I care because there are people who just touch your heart in some way and you can’t help yourself, I don’t know. But I do care and so, cryptically and with metaphor as is my way, here goes:

I knew a guy back in Athens, a friend of an ex boyfriend, who dated a girl who did crazy things. I won’t go into the whole story but I remember the time she put breadsticks in the freezer to get them cold so she could use that in an argument about how late boyfriend was coming home and how cold the dinner was. Seriously. I was floored because holy cow girl, if you’re having to make stuff up perhaps your argument is weak. But dude ended up marrying her and I thought at the time how weird it was because he was fully aware of the games and would laugh about them with my boyfriend.

I’ve changed my mind. I still think that kind of manipulation is nuts, but the thing about this girl is that she really and truly LOVED that guy. And one way I know that is she would never, EVER, have done anything to expose him to ridicule or make him look a fool. (Although it would appear, after a quick check on Facebook, they are, in fact, now divorced. *shocked face*) There is a school of thought I guess — and I’m only mentioning it because I got dragged in — that exposure as a means to control is just the thing to keep your relationships listing pleasantly rather than making you seasick. But here’s the thing: people, unlike, say, animals, cannot really be controlled. They have thumbs and can open doors and get mobile and feed themselves, if you take my point. And I say all that to say this:

I am not your problem. You’re chasing a red herring there and you seem to be confused about — well let’s just call them technicalities. And I’d help you out there if you hadn’t come at me like some deranged, jealous Queen of “Do What I Say!” Heh. Yeah, no.

And dudes, again, I get that you have these little games you play with ladies to keep them in line or make them jealous in some weird dance for control. I have four brothers. I’ve seen a lot of that over the years. And recently, I got pulled into that dance where a man fighting with his wife allowed her to believe she needed to worry about me (she really, REALLY didn’t. Dude knew it, I was explicit about it. But hey, what’s a little character assassination among friends?). Thank God there were witnesses to that little fabrication because Goddammit that made me mad. Dude’s now going through a divorce *shocked face* and wants to get together and have lunch. Heh. Yeah, no. I’m okay not being disrespected and lied about thanks. You can pick someone else to be a tool. I’m just trying to be nice and encouraging and when that’s met with your dark shit it makes me question the goods and the bads of the world and I’d rather not have to do that so close to Christmas.

Anyway, hope you get it worked out and no one is seriously damaged and everyone learns how to be less selfish and more giving, less arrogant and social climby and more steeped in faith and love. But, and especially if you can’t get your shit straight, keep me out of it. And on that note…

My father used to tell me that when I was younger he would give me the opposite advice of what he thought I should do because, being a bit naturally rebellious, I would do the opposite of what he said. I’m starting to understand how frustrating that was.

Okay, I need to motor so I can finish my tasks and get on the road to Atlanta. Short thoughts on other things before I go…

So, Rand Paul Marco Rubio and Cuba…Look, I write for a pretty libertarian news site and they love Rand Paul, and I dig him on the domestic front in many ways. But I really don’t understand why he would antagonize a colleague like Rubio — who knows the Cuba issue maybe better than anyone — when he could try to work with him and learn something. Nothing says he has to agree with him, but insulting him on Twitter and Facebook just seems aggressive and I’m not sure what the goal is. I’m fairly certain it won’t be positive for Paul in the end.

The guy that shot those cops was a bag of cracked nuts and is absolutely to blame for their deaths, but that does not mean that Al Sharpton doesn’t need to shut his face up already. Because those crazy people are waiting for permission and direction to be insane and vent their insane frustrations and YOU ARE PROVIDING THAT TO THEM. And you’re a horrible person.

Yes, it absolutely was. And we caved. I really look forward to the day we prefer strength in office again as opposed to bullying. They are actually opposites, you know that, right?

Currently freaking me out.

I liked this tremendously, particularly #4.

Go ahead and read up on. Still can’t get over how some people don’t know basic stuff about technology. Again, I would help you but you’re not all that nice, so…

Speaking of tech, I think DISH caves rather quickly because they’re business people and they have a bottom line to answer to. And Fox will probably let them get away with posturing and acting like they won some kind of negotiation. Egos are silly things.

My buddy Josh is a good reporter. So I guess when we’re all complaining about the bureaucracy surrounding the internet we have the Ford Foundation to thank.

And while it’s happening, there’s plenty of time to create the myth that this will only benefit Canada and not our economy at all. Whatever.

This is a good read about tech and small businesses and tax policy, if any of those things are up your alley…

This is a good read on the difference between income and wealth and how they’ve both been affected by the recession. This kind of thing reminds me how much I dislike the twerp and his band of merry intellectuals that don’t know — or maybe don’t care — about building wealth as a general rule. As long as they get theirs, man…Al Sharpton’s all.

Also kind of freaking me out.

But there are reasons to be optimistic. Building things, creating, giving back to the world, is exciting stuff.

This is uncomfortable, but fascinating and about as Southern Gothic as you can get. As an aside, I reviewed that cookbook when it came out.

Well I mean that’s one way to get around refrigeration/pasteurization.

Have never liked milk. Which might explain some things. But I like chocolate milk…

One of my favorite Christmas songs. And this is a cool version. A capella, and rather unbelievably.

The Unshakable Remains


With thanks to my friend Josh, let’s start with this:

“The society that separates scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting done by fools.” -Thucydides

Alright, so I had a mini-epiphany: much as I would like to be a kinder, sweeter kind of person — that’s the kind of woman that men like, right? — there are just some things that are non-negotiables in terms of behavior and I’m worried this makes me recalcitrant and unforgiving. Here’s what I’m saying, spurred of course by a recent reconnection with the Twerp — DO NOT JUDGE. I was trying to get rid of his number in a massive I-never-talk-to-you contact purge and couldn’t without finally telling him what I thought of his stupid email to my family. Which led to a tiny discussion. And dammit the man makes me question things. And there it is. I’m not proud of it. — I might be kind of mean. It’s troubling. But then it occurred to me: I’m not mean and I know it. I’m selfish and I lack patience. And my choice to deal with the Twerp is perfect proof of that. You don’t have to have patience to deal with a sociopath because they enjoy your frustration. And you can be selfish because a sociopath wouldn’t understand or respect anything else. So dealing with someone like that absolves you of having to do the work of relating. Apparently I’m also lazy. I’m sure my father will raise his hands to heaven and whisper, “Finally” when he reads this. But it’s an uncomfortable realization for me. And I’m working it out…so let’s move along, shall we?

Let’s talk for a minute about negotiating the people in this world who believe they should have what they want for no reason other than they, in their infinite awesomeness, want it. Without being too specific so as to not start a war, let me just say that there is a social contract and a legal framework we live in that prevents you from just having a temper tantrum and disrupting another person’s life because you can’t make your relationships work. I’m sorry you’re unhappy in your marriage but that’s not something I signed up to have to navigate. And if you need my space to fix your life, you’re going to have to do it legally and ethically, and very likely, on my time. I know because I checked. I’m type A like that. I like to be informed. Anyway, wish I wasn’t such a hardass for your sake but I have been tiptoeing around women like you, quite literally, my entire life, and I’m fairly exhausted by the effort. If the men that choose to marry you want to give in to your whims, that’s the decision they make. I’m under no such obligation. So let’s conduct business. But I’ve no interest in the foot-stomping, mail-withholding, passive-aggression.

The other night a friend of mine showed up unexpectedly at a mini-celebration to honor the repeal of prohibition and we discussed the Garner/Ferguson cases because we’re both upper middle-class white kids from Atlanta and we can talk about those things without any real risk to ourselves or others. He lives fairly close to me now in DC and he made a comment, in the course of the conversation, that he admittedly reacts with nervousness when he sees a group of young black kids approaching him on the street. And that informs how he views both what happened in NYC and in Ferguson. That’s all fine and well. But my friend — and I do like this man — tried to apply that same nervousness to me and how I viewed the situation. It was as if anything I said about it was viewed through that same prism — fear of a group of young black guys approaching me on the street. Man did it start to piss me off, and here’s why: I do not have that problem. I see a group of young black guys and I see the kids in my high school, good kids from good families. I rely on my instinct to inform me when there’s danger about. And that’s something that makes the hair go up on the back of my neck because of circumstance, which is informed by things more than just color. So, I guess, if we’re going to talk about these things, and I’m just throwing it out there, be prepared to accept that your biases may not be shared.

Okay and alright then. I’m tired and I want to walk my dog and go to bed. So other stuff and things:

Why are we smearing the CIA over torture you ask? Well I mean… Brennan, at his presser today, impressed me as someone who cares about the work of the agency and also understand the precariousness of the bureaucratic rock/hard place he’s squished between. Those are the people who do the hard jobs in government, if they manage to walk that line. It’s an unsung talent and not one you want everywhere. But sometimes it’s appropriate.

I’m always fascinated by articles that talk about American oil energy production as some kind of market miracle (not that this one does, just that it’s offering something to the mainstream that industry people have been aware of forever I would think). We made the Saudi’s rich on purpose. We conserved. It was a good strategy. And while we enter the market and make everything cheaper, there should be some focus on why we’re having to do this now and what that means for alternative energy. Because oil, unless I misunderstand how it’s harnessed, is not infinite. Its production may be close to that, but we have to be able to get to it. And that’s the issue at hand. On that note, here’s what it’s like elsewhere.

When I’m out and about, I hear people complain about Fox News to the point of mouth foaming. I watch it, along with a lot of other news channels. I find it pretty informative and fair, depending on the show. So, yeah. Think for yourselves kids.

It’s something to think about. Because aren’t we all just venters online anymore?

I like that Ed Henry keeps it real. I think the White House likes it, too, since he gets to travel with them. I have faith Ed will always keep it real.

Benny’s funny. And NR was smart to harness that.

As my friend Michelle said when she posted this, “Have fun!” I LOVE THIS STUFF. It hurts my head but it’s the stuff.

I am #16.

Yeah, we like the cooler climes.

It’s a wardrobe must-have.

The boys disagree, but I see a championship in our future. And I don’t care if that mean girl who tells people not to invite me to parties has a problem with me saying it.

I spent an hour pouring over this, finding the books if I hadn’t read them, and absorbing the first several paragraphs. I offer my favorite to you all, from CS Lewis: “All that is fully real is Heavenly. For all that can be shaken will be shaken and only the unshakable remains.”