I’ve always known my family was loud and a bit out of control. Predominantly Scots-Irish and Eastern European — as well as Southern, part Catholic/part Baptist, and huge — we drink, have been known to smoke, curse, fight, tell bawdy and inappropriate jokes, yell at each other, cry, love fiercely, and try to have a really good time in this sometimes disappointing roller coaster of life. One of my sisters-in-law said when I was home last week: “this is a hard family to be heard in.” That’s true, even if you were born into it. And I like to refer to them (myself included) as “crazy” or “insane” or “offdachain”. But something hit me upon my return to DC after a week in Atlanta. We are actually quite chill compared to the manic insecurities that force me to adopt a different personality just to survive in DC. And it basically comes down to one thing: we’re not full of shit. And so much of DC is.
Now let me just say that the great parts of DC are really great. I’ve met some of the best people I know here, and frankly some of the worst people I know simply live here but aren’t from here. So I don’t want anyone to get the impression I don’t love my adopted home. I do. But upon returning to town I was immediately confronted with two things that made me realize my people back home — family and friends — are superior, at least to my sensibilities. And yes, I use the word “superior” pointedly. The first was a “friend” of mine sent me a picture of this twerp I used to know to show me how ridiculous he is now. This guy spent something like 4 years just being a complete ass, and I spent the majority of those years trying to get him to be nice to me because I was so confused as to why he felt the need to be a jerk. My bad, because it never occurred to me he was a jerk just because he sucked as a human being and I couldn’t fix that. Because he is plagued with his own manic insecurities that force him to be, the best I can determine, something of a gold digging opportunist who changes his personality — right down to how he dresses — to fit whatever crowd he thinks can get him what he wants while he wants it (what he wants changes, too). And DC has a way of sheltering and promoting that kind of loser. Just take a look at a lot of our politicians on the Hill, mostly on the left. Where I’m from, people like that have their asses kicked pretty quickly by men who can’t stomach the weakness of that kind of “integrity”. And honestly this jackass would have been better for a few asskickings. He’s clearly never had one. My hope is that now that his hero Obama is leaving office — and his progressive ideology is falling out of favor — he’ll stay true to the coward he is and just peace out and leave town. You really should, dude. Your opportunities are in Chicago or San Francisco or some place like that. Really, go.
The second was such a weird display of bitchy entitlement that I don’t even want to relive it. It made me incredibly embarrassed, depressed, and disappointed to the point that I wanted to break associations immediately so that no one who may have seen the event would ever think I had anything to do with it, even though for the most part I was just a bystander. And so I won’t go into it. Except one part of it, which I think may have been part of what set the tone for the whole thing to go down. I know I’m cryptic when I write about stuff like this, and it’s intentional to protect the innocent — and to attempt some diplomacy. So the part I’ll address is thus: look here queen bee, bitchy women, I do not cultivate relationships with you because your affinity for minion keeping in hopes of being worshipped makes me a little sick. I have many lady friends, some since nearly birth, and they are very different from one another save one very important similarity: they do not expect their friends to be their subjects, they do not consider themselves part of a court, they are strong and independent, brilliant and beautiful, and would check me in a heartbeat if I acted like they needed to bow to my authority or to the strength of my personality. So when you come into “my house” and start telling me to behave certain ways you’re likely to understand — because I’ll tell you — why you can get bent. There’s a reason I don’t come to your parties. Because I’m not afraid of being alone and prefer it over acting like you don’t piss me straight the f*ck off.
One other thing I was reminded of when I went home: almost all my childhood friends are big Democrats, if not outright progressive liberals. But being chill allows for differences of opinion.
I actually have some “professional” writing to do later, and I’m formulating what I want to say, but here, as always, are a few things I found compelling. Some are old as it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Do with them as you like.
But, in foreign relations, I want someone who seems to be on the ball, who looms large in the international imagination, who recognizes that his primary responsibility is to the national defense and not to the nature of domestic policy, and who understands that there is a time for partisan politics and a time for national unity — especially when it is being widely reported that American citizens have been blown out of the sky. The lattermost is a distinction that this president — a man who famously made his national debut pretending to be a uniter — has never matured into observing.
This will feature — I think — in that “professional” piece I mentioned. But I’m still trying to decide how I want to approach it…
Uh, yeah. Was talking to a friend of mine the other day who works on some of this stuff for a living and he mentioned that Israel doesn’t always do the things we want them to do. Well, yeah. Why would they really.
As slanders go, it’s almost funny, like the old paranoid delusion that George W. Bush was simultaneously an idiot and a criminal mastermind.
Pretty much. Look I love you American people, but back off the condemnation when the House talks about using the power of the purse. It is a reasonable and effective tool and it is within their applied powers.
Oh you dirty birds. I look forward to football season.
I want it all. Just for funsies.
Uh yeah. The weirdest is that I’m not sure they’re — en masse — aware of their ignorance. Which is a bigger problem.
In honor of the anniversary of the moon landing, here’s a good one from a man I’m not sure wasn’t actually an alien. He definitely had his doubts about his origin as well.