I just felt like doing a little writing today before I head down to Blackfinn with some pals to watch The Big Game. Sorry Lou, but I hope Manning takes this one home.
First, I just want to weigh in on the whole Susan G. Komen thing. You know the most exasperating thing about this? The enlightened kids all over Facebook and elsewhere who just jumped on the back of the hate bus and decided that Susan G. Komen was a bunch of women-hating hypocrites. Jesus. Did you once stop to read anything else about why they are being investigated and why the charity may want to distance themselves? You just let yourselves be led to the trough of “it’s all about abortion and you crazy right to lifers hate abortion!!!” Did you look into the relationship between Planned Parenthood and the Democratic Party, i.e. what kind of money goes back and forth between the two? No, you didn’t. You were all perfectly willing to accept that Komen was bowing to political pressure but I wonder: are you willing to accept that the politicization of a reasonable decision not to fund an organization (which seems to be a fairly dynamic decision at this point) that does have some stuff to answer for actually came after the fact with the assault on Komen? Jennifer Rubin has the best piece I’ve seen so far on what amounts to little more than thuggery. And you all just jumped on board didn’t you? How can you expect to be taken seriously when you don’t think for yourselves? Sorry, that vent just had to come out…
I was talking to mom over the phone recently about what I like to call the “zero sum gamers,” i.e. the uber competitive who believe that any accomplishment by anyone else takes away an accomplishment from them. Cause there’s only a finite number of accomplishment to go around you see (stupid, but whatever). And, since the subject of the mean girls and their relationship to this phenomenon came up — as it usually does with me because I’ve just met so many of them and I’m pretty sure it’s one of those things I’m going to have to figure out or I will forever suffer it — mom had an interesting thing to say. She said that some women — people, but women particularly — need to convince others they have what they think others most desire. Even if it’s only partially true or completely untrue. This is often true when it comes to having a “date for the event” as mom calls it. “Many women need to have others believe she has someone to take her to whatever the group decides is the thing to go to,” mom said. That actually throws some things into perspective for me. Mom’s so much better at understanding this stuff because I honestly — to my detriment — stopped giving two whiffs about group think in high school when it became clear to me that a) it was largely superficial and ever-shifting in its “truths” and b) while it could be lighthearted and innocuous it could also be — and often was — useful as a tool to divide and hurt, which is counter productive and — frankly — not any fun. In fact, biggest buzzkill going in my opinion. And some dudes don’t help the situation because they recognize it as an easy tool to get what they want, that mean girl competitiveness. “You know she really hates puppies. It would drive her so crazy if you gave me a puppy right now…” Douche.
But I suppose I get the need to have the man on your arm (or make people think you do) — I have other needs as regards men, but whatever makes you most happy I guess — because it can lead to people questioning which way you swing, to use an impolite characterization. Which happened to me recently. I think my proclivities are fairly obvious but here recently I found myself slowly accepting the realization that the person speaking to me was trying to determine my preferences in the bedroom because I’m — gasp! — not married. I mean obviously, right? Now, in addition to my immediate reaction, which was a silent “holy shit, how rude! who raised you?,” I was hit by a thunderbolt as something occurred to me: almost every time this has happened in the past it has come from the girlfriend of a guy that I’ve become friendly with. And that friends, made me feel immediately better. Because wanting it to be true doesn’t make it true, sweetie. The truth is, I’m single because I form deep and lasting affection for boys (<– operative word) that are brilliant, troubled, and generally not very nice to me. One of the last ones, for example, didn’t like that I had a bit of a problem with his flying to NYC for New Year’s after a yearlong relationship to go party and stay with an ex girlfriend. And I was most emphatically not invited. And so, after a fight and a decision to see how things went, he broke up with me the day before Valentine’s Day. And that was one of the more innocuous of the wonderful dudes I’ve invested my time in. Now, I’m not trying to be all bleak and complaining — this tendency falls squarely on me and I’m working on it — I only mention it as a way to say perhaps you should concentrate more on the fact that it’s a pretty ugly quality to put your petty, bullshit insecurity about your relationship off on me. Now, go take your Atavan or whatever it is that keeps you from the edge and leave me to my business, which could involve making “your man” have a laugh. Stop being crazy and maybe you’ll find something fun in there, too.
And, because for some reason I remembered this today, I’ll post it here because it’s hilarious and kind of works with the subject. You can go ahead and see me as Aunt Susan if you want. And I’ll see you as Kelly’s mom. Deal?