Okay, first, if you are allergic to bees and get stung several times and die, the bees are not killer bees — except in the sense that they caused a death…wait…never mind…
Second, this kind of silliness makes the depressing act of reading the news kind of enjoyable. The back story is that several states’ Attorneys General got together in Florida and filed a lawsuit against the individual mandate in O-care, stating that it essentially violates the reach Congress has to regulate commerce (should you be forced to engage in commerce — i.e. buying health insurance — if you just don’t — and pardon the colloquialism — freakin’ feel like it?)
Well, in addressing this push back, O and Co. have taken to calling the mandate a tax because, as a tax, it falls under the Anti-Injunction Act, restricting the courts from interfering with federal tax collection. Okay, here’s the awesome part — during the healthcare debate, Obama, in an interview with George Stephanopoulos, “absolutely reject”ed the notion that the mandate was a tax. I know. Hilarious. When you finish cry..ahem, I mean laughing, read Klein’s piece.
Third, while some of these are being addressed (Hallelujah!), this is a nice way to keep up with what needs to be done to get the situation in the Gulf in hand. I have an idea about something I might write about as concerns those skimmers we’re apparently ready to use. If it happens, you’ll know (even though my Dad thinks I’ve been writing boring things and I need to be a little more “out there.” But I think building a strong body of work needs to happen before I can really dazzle people with my genius. Ahem. Take that with a grain of salt.
Also, if you hear that Black Violin is playing in town, let me know. I’m there.
And the love only grows Mr. Gutfeld…
“Cool” Children’s Names Mean Their Parents are Asses
So, for purposes of this unspeakable truth, let’s just say I read a poll of roughly twelve hundred moms, in which 10 percent of them thought about changing the name they’d given their babies. According to the poll, the moms had a lot of reasons — mainly regret. The researchers say this is common, especially if you’ve bought fourteen books on baby names, and suddenly you realize that after six months, junior isn’t really turning out to look like Huckleberry Prawn. But more like Jeff.
And this is the central problem with parenting, and with civilization in general. We’re selfish pricks. We do things strictly based on how said actions touch our lives, not those of others. We name our kids not because of how we think it might affect them, but because of how it will affect us. Hence parents will think about how boring is sounds to say, “This is my son, John,” as opposed to, “This is my son, Atomic Submarine Sauce.” And so you’re left with a pile of pillows, towels, and picture frames monogrammed with the letters A.S.S., when you should have probably just worn a condom.
When I have kids, I’m changing their names every year. That way it keeps the relationship fresh, and I won’t be tempted to start parenting outside the home. Plus, the name can suit whatever phase they’re going through at that time. As a toddler, I’ll call him Smelly. As a preteen, I’ll call him Stupid, and as a teen, I’ll call him Slave. My parents did the same for me, and I didn’t kill them. Which is about the most you ask of your kids, really.